Sunday, May 26, 2013

Cry for Help

This is a portion of an email I sent a body-code specialist a couple of weeks ago which chronicles all my symptoms of illness I have had lately.  Sorry if it's depressing but these last 7 weeks have been some of the toughest I have ever experienced and they need to be documented:
Dear Amie,
I have been sick now for over 5 weeks.  Blood results say everything is normal but I feel anything but normal.  I started with an inner ear infection which threw off my balance.   I ran a fever for five days and then my anxiety disorder (which I have managed effectively for 11 years) came back full blown.  I was averaging multiple panic attacks per day for about a two week span but I still feel jittery and on the edge.  The antibiotics threw off my stomach and I had to force feed myself.  I ended up losing almost 10 pounds which for me is scary....I only weigh 110 on a good day;)  I also got a yeast infection from the antibiotics so I started taking probiotics (florajen).  My ears started ringing and still remained clogged.  My left foot and hand have a tingly feeling like they are going to go to sleep which I attribute to my sciatic issues.  I have frequent headaches but the part that is driving me crazy is the constant fatigue.  All I want to do is sleep...and anyone who knows me knows how crazy that sounds.  I am like the Energizer rabbit...or I used to be 5 weeks ago;)

I am desperate to find out what is wrong with me so I can start healing.  When I collapsed halfway through teaching my Zumba class, I knew something was really wrong!  I suspected thyroid issues but the blood results showed nothing out of the ordinary.  So $330 later, I have been told I am just fine.  I then researched adrenal fatigue and have many of those symptoms as well.  Although I do not like being physically ill, I am more upset at having lost control of my mental issues.  I refuse to use anti-depressants because of all the lovely side effects.
I am simplifying my life.  My husband and four children are helping me maintain my sanity.  I will be released from my calling as Hamilton Ward Relief Society President this Sunday and I have given up both going to Zumba and teaching Zumba for now.  I thrive on exercise and that is how I have managed my anxiety the best.  You can imagine how my mental and emotional state have been suffering after having gone 5 weeks without sweating.  I started yoga yesterday and I loved the calming way it made me feel.  I miss dancing.  Dancing is my life and my joy.  Even my positive affirmation I created with Don Jessop (Marv and Sharon's) Unstoppable program says, "My life is my music....let's dance!"
I do not know anything about body coding but I am ready to get my life back.  Everything was clicking back in March and I honestly don't remember ever having felt so happy and fulfilled than I did that month:  working in Spec Ed, teaching Zumba, working on Relief Society activities, managing the money for my homeowners association, being an incredible wife and an over-achiever mom!  Now, I just feel like my whole world has spun out of control and I cry.... a lot....way too much!  My son is getting ready to graduate from high school and I feel like I am totally missing out on all his "lasts".  I don't like to leave home for very long and I am having a hard time driving again.  My brain feels foggy and I feel like I have been unplugged from my power source.

Help!
-Allison A. Jessop

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