Back to Normal

Hello 2013!  You started out really testing me.  My anxiety has been anything but under control.  So much to juggle at the start of the new year.  Can you believe I had to say no to welfare appointments because I could feel my grip on reality slowly unraveling.  Who wakes up shaking?  Who can barely eat because of all the responsibilities I am trying to keep up with?  Who is missing having time to do Zumba?  A vicious cycle...with a trigger.  College!

Now that my Religion class final has been taken I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders.  Oh sure, I know I bombed the final and won't know for a week but it is OVER.  No, I haven't graduated but I can finally say my generals are finally done...if I passed the final.  That test had to be the hardest test I have ever taken and I am so not exaggerating.  Let me give you an example:  I studied facts like Emma's dad was against Joseph marrying his daughter so Joseph and Emma had to elope. The test wanted to know what was the date that Joseph and Emma met and where.  I wish I could have taken the final exam I had studied so hard for and lost sleep over....I would have aced that!  But honestly I have no idea who the third person to be baptized into the restored church was but I could have definitely told you the first two!

So my strategy was to do the questions that I knew for sure...skip the ones I didn't and then come back to them.  Only problem is I was skipping, skipping, skipping, and then realized...um yeah, I did not even remotely study the right things.  But I persevered and chose "c" a lot!  I wanted to cry right there in the testing center but I knew I was representing the Lord's University so I bit my lip, held it together, and filled in 150 bubbles, 20 of which I couldn't even give an educated guess.  If I end up passing it will be because of divine intervention because I have never prayed so hard during a test in all my life!  I will be thrilled if I end up with a C-.  Yes, it was that hard:(

Let me write a ten page paper on my testimony of Joseph Smith!  That I can do.  So as I prepare my self to get a less than acceptable grade on an exam in a class I have a 96% in, I found myself asking, "What can I learn from this?"  The main thing I learned in this church history class that is that the Lord doesn't leave anything to chance and that everything happens for a reason.  Perhaps I needed to be humbled.  Check!  Perhaps I needed to hit rock bottom to appreciate all the good things?  Check!  Or maybe once you turn 40, your brain starts turning to mush;). I have to laugh about it or I can't even begin to cope.

So 2013, I am now ready to face you!  I woke up this morning feeling like I could conquer the world. My final exam is done!  I didn't have any anxiety symptoms...at all...today!  I ate and ate and ate and even rewarded myself with my favorite vanilla icecream with almonds, chocolate chips, and hersheys syrup.  I snuggled up with my kids to enjoy watching my idol judge on American Idol.  Keith Urban every week?  Yes please!  Better than icecream my friend.  And now I can get back to what I love the best...writing.  Yes siree, I think I am finally back to normal!