Being at the Crossroads of Our Kids Lives

One of the important things I learned through my marriage and family class was the importance of being at the crossroads of my children's lives. I was actually already doing this without realizing it.  Hardly a day goes by that I am not there to talk to my kids about their day at school. I always eagerly anticipate a report of how an evening hanging out with friends went. I couldn't wait for Jansen to tell me how Prom was and equally excited to hear he had so much fun. However, the cross roads that are the most important are the times when a child is struggling with an emotion or a decision. I can't tell you how many times I have sat on Will's bed talking about the bullying he experienced in Idaho. And the other night as I was tucking Kristen in bed she confided in me that two of her friends wouldn't let her play with them at recess. When I asked her how she felt about it she said, "It made water come out of my eyes". What if I hadn't taken the time to tuck her in that night? Would I have ever known about her sadness? Would I have been able to talk to her about the importance of friendship and learning about treating other people kindly and inclusively?

Well, the other night I was privileged to be at the crossroads with one of my children once again. I had snuck upstairs to have some "me" time after I thought all the kids had gone to sleep. I was in the midst of watching Glee (I know...."Don't judge me because I sin differently than you do!"). Carlie came up the stairs and it was clear that she needed to talk. We spent the next hour talking about the anxiety she was feeling regarding school, seminary, rugby, her health, friends, and of course basketball. I was sitting on the couch and she in the rocker/recliner. When we started the conversation she was rocking almost uncomfortably fast. Carlie doesn't talk a whole lot so you have to know the right questions to ask. I prayed for divine inspiration to know what to ask and how to help. By the end of the hour long conversation we had talked about how to pray and how to recognize the answers. We had talked about the model of prayer found in the Book of Mormon when the Brother of Jared had to find a solution to find a way to light the ships to cross the seas.  I shared some personal experiences and shared my testimony too. We talked about prioritizing, simplifying, and finding joy in life. I told her all her answers could be found in 2 Nephi 2:25, "Adam fell that men might be and men are that they might have joy!" (I added the exclamation point;)) Together, we figured out what it takes to make her happy. Soon, her rocking became less manic and her posture relaxed. I challenged her to pray about her decision whether or not to continue playing rugby (once we isolated that was the cause of her stress). We talked about the difference between "quitting" and running faster than you have strength.

By the time she went to bed she was still needing to pray about an answer but she finally had the tools needed to release her from her anxiety and stress. The next afternoon she and I composed a letter to her rugby coaches informing them of her decision to no longer participate. I made her click the send button. I know it was hard for her brain to will her hand and fingers to click the mouse button but she did it....and I was proud! I am proud of her for making a tough decision but more proud that she is learning how to make tough decisions. We stayed up way too late so she ended up not going to seminary or basketball and I feel I am to blame. Her basketball coach called her out, right in the hallway, and emphatically stated, "Carlie, you have to choose... God or basketball! Sleeping in is not an option!" Ha! Ha! I am so happy I was able to be at the crossroads once again. No, I didn't finish watching Glee that night but I went to bed feeling much more satisfied that I had succeeded in my divine role of motherhood. I took my final exam in RELC234 the next day and wouldn't you know? I was actually tested on the very scriptures and quotes I had shared with my dear daughter the night before! I hope I will always be at every crossroad of my kids' lives be it happy or sad. These crossroads indeed shape our destiny as we seek heavenly inspiration.  Motherhood is an amazing journey and I am blessed to continue learning alongside my teenagers!