A little toddler with
two blonde curly pigtails was walking into to the Canyons Athletic Club this
morning with her mother. As the mom
picked up her pace down the sidewalk, the little girl slowed hers. The toddler had a backpack on her that was
bigger than she was! The backpack was
almost dragging on the ground it was so large.
“Become a benevolent cannibal,” I mused to myself as I recalled what I
had just read in my textbook. A writer
needs to eat the world! I was ready and
so was my iphone. I held the door for
the other patrons coming to work out until the mom was close enough for me to
ask her if I could please take a picture of her daughter. I explained to her that I needed a prompt for
a free write based on a photo and this image would certainly do the job!
I thought about life
and how we all are carrying our own proverbial backpacks. The last few years I have carried the
backpack that felt larger than I was.
Anxiety and Depression weighed me down.
Yes, those words will always be capitalized from now on. The little girl couldn’t keep up with her mom’s
brisk pace. Her snowboots clomped one
step at a time. The mom, realizing her
child was being left behind turned back and asked, “Honey, do you want me to
carry it for you?” A very determined
rosy cheek cherub face peaked out from her pink puffy coat as she responded, “No,
mommy…I can do it!” I have learned so
many valuable lessons as I have struggled with anxiety disorder among which was
this principle. As much as people around
me wanted to help me push back the dark, deep down I knew that I was the only
one that could do it. I knew the
backpack was mine to carry.
As the toddler neared
the entrance, she had triumph in her eyes.
She had carried her load and was almost inside the nice, warm club. I noticed something interesting in the
behavior of the mother. As the girl got
closer to her destination the mom slowed her pace so by the time they reached
the doors, they were walking together at the same pace. The little girl had not sped up yet she had
an increase of confidence knowing someone was walking with her. I again thought about my battle with Depression. I chose not to go the route of
anti-depressants. Instead, I chose to
slow down my life and you know what…it took some time but it worked. Learning how to say No was one of the hardest
things I have ever done but the results have been amazing. At times it felt like everyone was breezing
right past me and at times it felt like my backpack was dragging on the ground
and would certainly tip me over but I kept on walking although sometimes it
felt like plodding in heavy snowboots.
We all have our own
backpacks. The load I was carrying has
helped me be more empathetic to those around me carrying loads much
larger. But just as the determined
little three year old, I know if I just keep putting one step in front of the
other that I will eventually make it out of the 20 degree windy weather into
the 70 degree warmth of the final destination.
I also learned as cliché as it may sound that I was never walking
alone. I know my Savior walked with me
every painful step of the way. Through
Him, I found my strength and confidence to carry on. As I held the door opened for the mom and the
little happy girl, I had an epiphany.
Sometimes we are the ones that get to hold the door for others and
sometimes we are the one that need the door held open for us.
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